I am continually surprised by how many people do not talk about sex with their partner/s.
But then again, it’s really not surprising given that communication around sex is not encouraged in our culture. In fact, it could be argued that we are actively taught not to talk about sex – just think of all the movie sex scenes where everything happens in complete silence (minus the passionate music) and talking during sex is represented as an awkward interruption to the moment.
As a consequence, many people have never learnt how to discuss sex comfortably and constructively. Many people feel quite uncomfortable even thinking about talking about sex. Continue reading The Paradox of Sexual Silence
Over the past decade there has been lots of discussion about whether humans are “naturally” monogamous or if we are actually polyamorous creatures in a monogamy-focused culture. As these discussions increasingly focus on evidence that we evolved as promiscuous and non-monogamous mammals (just look at our close relatives, the lusty bonobos…), this can have the effect of threatening people’s ideas about what is right for them and whether they are making the right relationship choices.
This can be rather confronting.
But rather than seeing this evidence as a prescription for how you should be running your relationship/s, an alternative way to use this information is to acknowledge that our culture’s preferred form of relationship (the monogamous relationship) will come with challenges: The challenge of managing attractions to other people, the challenge of familiarity and reduced novelty, the challenge of managing ongoing conflict, and the challenge of routine.
And this is just to name a few. Continue reading If Humans are “Naturally” Promiscuous, is Monogamy Wrong?