A lot of people who own a penis or have sex with penis-owners find it difficult to request condom use (when safer-sex is relevant). And I’ve written about some of the reasons why here.
Alternatively, they might find it hard to follow through on their preference for condom use in the face of resistance from a play-mate, or in the face of lust (ie. sexual disinhibition once aroused).
And this was the topic of a discussion between myself & Victoria Cullen recently. I’ve written about Victoria before here – she is a Sex Educator and Researcher, and has a great sexuality blog called The Lubrarian. Continue reading Condom Prime-Time for Penis Lovers
Painful sex is incredibly distressing & confusing for those who experience it, and their partners.
Sexual pain can be caused by a variety of medical factors, and it manifests in a variety of ways – such as chronic discomfort during sex, pain upon genital touching and/or penetration, or an inability to have penetration due to intense pain. Some people who experience sexual pain may also experience pain using tampons, and/or discomfort sitting or wearing tight pants. Continue reading Painful Sex: Empowered Help Seeking
In many relationships, talking about sex is difficult. And it can be especially difficult if your sex life isn’t going so smoothly.
For some couples, or perhaps in more casual sexual relationships too, the idea of going from no meaningful conversations about sex to full-on sex discussions about genitals, position preferences, sexual desire discrepancies and secret fantasies may feel like a very daunting leap.
And sometimes it’s best to start small. Continue reading Let’s Talk About Talking About Sex, Baby
Eroticism can be defined in many ways. Here are a few definitions that I like:
- a quality (in a person, artwork, fantasy, etc.) that causes sexual feelings;
- a philosophical contemplation concerning the aesthetics of sexual desire, sensuality and romantic love;
- a state of sexual arousal or anticipation – an insistent sexual impulse, desire, or pattern of thoughts;
- the cultivation of pleasure for its own sake;
- the exploration of sexual imagination and fantasies.
Continue reading Curating Your Erotic Diet
I recently had the pleasure of meeting up with a Melbourne-based Sex-Design Researcher by the name of Victoria Cullen. Victoria is a Workshop Facilitator and Sex Educator at Passionfruit: The Sensuality Shop. She also lectures for RMIT University in the Future Sex Studio where she teaches students about consumer-centered design for sex products, aids and services. And, she has recently started a great sexuality blog called The Lubrarian.
So, when a Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher walk into a bar, what do they talk about? Here’s a little summary of our interesting chats. Continue reading A Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher Walk into a Bar…
In Part 1 of this series I discussed the topic of Hedonic Adaptation from a general relationship perspective. Part 2 of this series will focus on the application of these ideas to the sexual domain.
To recap, Hedonic Adaptation in relationships is where, after a surge in happiness and passion at the beginning of a new relationship, people generally adapt to this scenario over time -the passion then reduces and happiness comes back down to the person’s previous baseline. Continue reading Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: In the Bedroom (Part 2)
One of the advantages of a long-term relationship is the familiarity and comfort that develops as a couple – staying in for a cosy movie on a Friday night, building routines together, going to that favourite restaurant, feeling known and understood.
But if there is too much familiarity and routine in your relationship, this can lead to a significant drop in passion over time.
These observations are related to a theory called Hedonic Adaptation. Continue reading Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: The Back Story (Part 1)
One of the most common and distressing sexual difficulties that couples present with when they see a sex therapist is that one partner in the couple has “low desire” or “no desire”.
This can translate into a variety of bedroom scenarios:
- One partner feeling unhappy that sex and intimacy is not occurring at the frequency they wish.
- The other partner feeling unhappy that sexual initiation is occurring far too often.
- Both partners feeling sexually depressed – this is not how they envisaged their sex life to be.
- One partner feeling inferior, guilty, pressured and hopeless.
- The other partner feeling out of control, rejected and also hopeless.
Continue reading What is Low Sexual Desire? Part 1.