It’s common for sex to become overly goal oriented in both casual and long-term relationships. Often the goal is about achieving orgasm – either your own orgasm or your lover’s orgasm – and perhaps both.
And while it isn’t rare to have goal-oriented sex – and it’s encouraged by books, movies, porn and peers – this kind of narrow sexual goal can get a bit rigid and uncreative, leading to mechanical or less enjoyable sex in the long run.
And often people are not even aware that their sex life has become goal-oriented in an unhelpful way – they may just feel that sex is a bit flat, that the intimacy level has decreased, that they have anxiety around sex, or that their desire for sex is waning.
This is where we can bring a bit more consciousness to our sex lives.
Instead of having the default goal of orgasms, you could try-out a broader goal that might bring some more creativity, novelty and vitality to your sex life.
Here are a few broader sexual goals to play with:
- Finding creative ways to give my partner pleasure
- Being sexually mindful and engaging all five senses
- Making my partner feel adored and cherished
- Allowing myself to give and receive pleasure
- Bringing a sense of playfulness to bed
- Connecting and feeling intimate
- Learning about each other’s bodies
- Being intuitive and in the sexual-moment.
These are just ideas of course – you can also come up with your own broad goals to suit your individual sex life and what you would like to cultivate in your bed.
Dr. Alice Hucker