Quickie Blog: Creative Ways to Give Them Pleasure

It’s common for sex to become overly goal oriented in both casual and  long-term relationships. Often the goal is about achieving orgasm – either your own orgasm or your lover’s orgasm – and perhaps both.

(At certain times in some long-term relationships, the goal may be more procreative – to make a baby. And you can read more about this here and here).

And while it isn’t rare to have goal-oriented sex – and it’s encouraged by books, movies, porn and peers – this kind of narrow sexual goal can get a bit rigid and uncreative, leading to mechanical or less enjoyable sex in the long run.

And often people are not even aware that their sex life has become goal-oriented in an unhelpful way – they may just feel that sex is a bit flat, that the intimacy level has decreased, that they have anxiety around sex, or that their desire for sex is waning.

This is where we can bring a bit more consciousness to our sex lives. 

Instead of having the default goal of orgasms, you could try-out a broader goal that might bring some more creativity, novelty and vitality to your sex life.

Here are a few broader sexual goals to play with:

  • Finding creative ways to give my partner pleasure
  • Being sexually mindful and engaging all five senses
  • Making my partner feel adored and cherished
  • Allowing myself to give and receive pleasure
  • Bringing a sense of playfulness to bed
  • Connecting and feeling intimate
  • Learning about each other’s bodies
  • Being intuitive and in the sexual-moment.

These are just ideas of course – you can also come up with your own broad goals to suit your individual sex life and what you would like to cultivate in your bed.

Warm regards,

Dr. Alice Hucker

Clinical Psychologist

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *