Quickie Blog: Novelty Nervousness and the 5-Minute Rule

In recent posts I’ve been discussing the idea of sexual novelty and variety. Go here for an overview, or go here to read about The Healthy Sex Pyramid.

But even when we believe a bit of variety might be nice, the idea of introducing something new to our sexual repertoire can be very daunting.

Perhaps you’d like to try some dirty talk or sexual narration. Or maybe a new sexual position or location. Maybe role-play is on your to-try list, or perhaps you’d like to experiment with being more sexually assertive or sexually submissive in bed.

Whatever it is that you or a partner are suggesting, here is a little tip for easing the anxiety.

The 5-Minute Rule

Often when people think about introducing something new to their sexual repertoire, they imagine having to maintain this new thing for the whole time they’re having sex. For example, if someone wanted to bring in a bit of dirty talk or sexual narration to the bedroom, they might envisage that they have to keep this up for the whole 30 minutes of sex (or however long sex usually goes for).

The thought process might then go a little bit like this:

What if I run out of things to say? What if I start repeating myself? What if there’s an awkward silence? What if I feel stupid? This just sounds like hard work now. I may as well drop the idea altogether.  

Alternatively, you could introduce something new for just 5-minutes.

After the 5-minutes, you can then return to the comfortable and familiar.

Or, if you’re feeling good about how things are going, you could try another 5-minutes. But at any time you like, you can slip back into familiar sexual routines which are often the best ways we know to become aroused, feel sexually connected and reach orgasm.

If there is something you’ve been thinking of trying in bed but have been feeling daunted by, take the pressure off – just try it for 5-minutes.

Warm regards,

Dr. Alice Hucker

Clinical Psychologist

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