In many relationships, talking about sex is difficult. And it can be especially difficult if your sex life isn’t going so smoothly.
For some couples, or perhaps in more casual sexual relationships too, the idea of going from no meaningful conversations about sex to full-on sex discussions about genitals, position preferences, sexual desire discrepancies and secret fantasies may feel like a very daunting leap.
And sometimes it’s best to start small.
For someone who is feeling awkward or daunted or avoidant about sexual communication, it can be helpful to first talk about talking about sex.
- How do I feel about talking about sex?
- How do you feel about talking about sex?
- How do we feel about the way we talk about sex or don’t talk about sex?
- How would we like to be able to talk about sex in the future?
- What might be getting in the way for us?
Although this may still feel daunting for some, it can be a nice entry point (no pun intended) into helpful sexual communication – which is a condition for good sex for most people.
And potentially, it may help to reveal why talking about sex has been difficult or avoided, and how talking about sex could be made easier in the future.
These may also be questions you revisit in your relationship from time to time as you may find there are phases where sexual communication is more or less easy.
And finally, whenever you talk about sex, or talk about talking about sex, always try your very best to come from a place of understanding and compassion, not judgement or shame. This is the best possible emotional environment for these conversations to go well and enrich your relationship.
Dr. Alice Hucker