Summarised from Come as You Are by Emily Nagosky.
In Nagosky’s book Come as You Are, she comprehensively explains a really useful theory in sexuality research – The Dual Control Model of sexual response.
Complicated name, but incredibly user-friendly.
This post is my summary of the most critical points in the theory, and how they might apply to our sex lives. Please indulge me as I use an automotive analogy throughout. Continue reading Hand-Break Off, Gas Pedal Down
The idea of providing a sperm sample during fertility preservation or reproductive treatment is a bit awkward and uncomfortable for most people considering it. And fair enough – you don’t usually have to ejaculate on command in a foreign location.
All of a sudden, the whole scientific community is in this private sphere of your life, and you have to masturbate into a cup.
But for some people, the idea may be particularly anxiety provoking and distressing.
Why does collection day cause anxiety?
Here are a few reasons why:
- You may be worried about “performance anxiety” in a strange and clinical environment, and not being able to arouse yourself to ejaculation;
- You may have been fine when you did the initial semen tests, but now feel the pressure of providing sperm on the actual big-day of treatment;
- You may have had issues in the past not being able to ejaculate in sexual or medical situations;
- You may not usually masturbating or you may be used to having a partner with you for sexual stimulation; or
- You may have personal or religious reasons for not masturbating.
Continue reading Andrology Angst: What are my Options Doc?
Painful sex is incredibly distressing & confusing for those who experience it, and their partners.
Sexual pain can be caused by a variety of medical factors, and it manifests in a variety of ways – such as chronic discomfort during sex, pain upon genital touching and/or penetration, or an inability to have penetration due to intense pain. Some people who experience sexual pain may also experience pain using tampons, and/or discomfort sitting or wearing tight pants. Continue reading Painful Sex: Empowered Help Seeking
One of the most common and distressing sexual difficulties that couples present with when they see a sex therapist is that one partner in the couple has “low desire” or “no desire”.
This can translate into a variety of bedroom scenarios:
- One partner feeling unhappy that sex and intimacy is not occurring at the frequency they wish.
- The other partner feeling unhappy that sexual initiation is occurring far too often.
- Both partners feeling sexually depressed – this is not how they envisaged their sex life to be.
- One partner feeling inferior, guilty, pressured and hopeless.
- The other partner feeling out of control, rejected and also hopeless.
Continue reading What is Low Sexual Desire? Part 1.
Many people experience low sexual satisfaction and other sexual concerns for many different reasons, and there are usually multiple factors involved for each person or couple.
On the flip side, a very promising flipside, there are also factors known to increase the likelihood of experiencing sexual fulfilment and pleasure.
We can think of the factors involved as The Four P’s: Predisposing, Precipitating, Perpetuating and Protective factors. Continue reading Why am I experiencing sexual difficulties?
I often like to ponder about one of the big contradictions in the world of sexology. This contradiction can be summarised with the following two ideas:
1. Sex is sacred
In many ways, we are taught that sex is a unique and special aspect of life and relationships, separated from the hum-drum of life. This idea is epitomised in the practice of Tantric sex – where sex is seen as a deep and rich experience, a union of the souls, a meditation on the body and the senses, and a life creating and enhancing process. Continue reading Weaving Sex Into Life
On all my fingers & all my toes, I couldn’t count the amount of times someone has said
“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how on earth did you get involved in sex therapy?”
And this is what I tell them:
I was always a very curious kid. I was the kind of kid who waited until my mum and my two sisters were all locked in the car before asking “Mum…what is a penis for?” or something of that nature.
I was the kind of kid who knew where all the books in the house with nudie pictures resided, and showed them to all my friends (one was an art book in my mum’s house with lovely fleshy ladies, and the others where sexology books in my dad’s therapy office). Continue reading How on Earth Did you get Involved in Sex Therapy?