Category Archives: Good enough sex

Interview: Three in the Bed & the Mother Said… (short version)

I recently had the honour of interviewing Tanaya, a 32 year old mother, about her experiences of early motherhood and sexuality. Her partner is Jon, 34 years old, and their son Sean is currently 10 months old.

This is an abbreviated version of the interview. To read the full interview – go here.


ALICE: To start, maybe you can give a bit of an overview of how things have changed in your sex life, or your thoughts and feelings around sex, before pregnancy, during pregnancy and now that you’re breastfeeding. Continue reading Interview: Three in the Bed & the Mother Said… (short version)

Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: In the Bedroom (Part 2)

In Part 1 of this series I discussed the topic of Hedonic Adaptation from a general relationship perspective. Part 2 of this series will focus on the application of these ideas to the sexual domain.

To recap, Hedonic Adaptation in relationships is where, after a surge in happiness and passion at the beginning of a new relationship, people generally adapt to this scenario over time -the passion then reduces and happiness comes back down to the person’s previous baseline. Continue reading Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: In the Bedroom (Part 2)

Conditions for Good Sex

Satisfying sex is not a given in all relationships, and there are certain factors that can predict a more positive and sustainable sex life.

If enough of the conditions for enjoyable sex are met and prioritised, it is much easier to manage desire discrepancies, to add novelty into your sex life, and to remain open and receptive to sexual experiences over a long-term relationship.

These factors can be grouped into 3 main categories: Healthy Body & Mind; Healthy Relationship; and Sexy Sex. Realistic Expectations are also needed. Continue reading Conditions for Good Sex

Realistic Expectations and Real Life Sex

Whilst a lot of what I write about here is aimed at enhancing people’s sex lives, it is also important to remember that having a good sex life does not have anything to do with getting it perfect.

Unfortunately, in our media saturated world, many people end up comparing their sex lives to the sexual pleasures and delights of Hollywood and/or pornography. Continue reading Realistic Expectations and Real Life Sex

What is Low Sexual Desire? Part 2.

Part 1 of this blog series described three common kinds of “low sexual desire” concerns.

Whilst different kinds of sexual desire concerns need to be approached in different ways, there are several ideas that can be helpful in all scenarios. And this is what I will cover here in Part 2.

The four key ideas covered here are: Understanding spontaneous and receptive sexual desire, knowing the value of sex in your life,  using communication to negotiate a satisfying sex life, and exploring the conditions for good sex. Continue reading What is Low Sexual Desire? Part 2.

Fifty Shades of Australian Vanilla

Over the past 3 years, I’ve often been asked “What do you think of Fifty Shades of Grey?”

For a while there I was tempted to read it, even just to have a descent response to that question. But then I kept hearing about how poor it was as a piece of literature and decided to give it a miss.

Although I have not read the book, nor seen the movie, I’m choosing to comment anyway. Continue reading Fifty Shades of Australian Vanilla

Weaving Sex Into Life

I often like to ponder about one of the big contradictions in the world of sexology. This contradiction can be summarised with the following two ideas:

1.  Sex is sacred

In many ways, we are taught that sex is a unique and special aspect of life and relationships, separated from the hum-drum of life. This idea is epitomised in the practice of Tantric sex – where sex is seen as a deep and rich experience, a union of the souls, a meditation on the body and the senses, and a life creating and enhancing process. Continue reading Weaving Sex Into Life