Tag Archives: sexual enhancement

Hand-Break Off, Gas Pedal Down

Summarised from Come as You Are by Emily Nagosky.

In Nagosky’s book Come as You Are, she comprehensively explains a really useful theory in sexuality research – The Dual Control Model of sexual response.

Complicated name, but incredibly user-friendly.

This post is my summary of the most critical points in the theory, and how they might apply to our sex lives. Please indulge me as I use an automotive analogy throughout. Continue reading Hand-Break Off, Gas Pedal Down

Quickie Blog: Creative Ways to Give Them Pleasure

It’s common for sex to become overly goal oriented in both casual and  long-term relationships. Often the goal is about achieving orgasm – either your own orgasm or your lover’s orgasm – and perhaps both.

(At certain times in a long-term relationship, the goal may be more procreative – to make a baby. And you can read more about this here and here).

And while it isn’t rare to have goal-oriented sex – and it’s encouraged by books, movies, porn and peers – this kind of narrow sexual goal can get a bit rigid and uncreative, leading to mechanical or less enjoyable sex in the long run. Continue reading Quickie Blog: Creative Ways to Give Them Pleasure

Curating Your Erotic Diet

Eroticism can be defined in many ways. Here are a few definitions that I like:

  • a quality (in a person, artwork, fantasy, etc.) that causes sexual feelings;
  • a philosophical contemplation concerning the aesthetics of sexual desire, sensuality and romantic love;
  • a state of sexual arousal or anticipation – an insistent sexual impulse, desire, or pattern of thoughts;
  • the cultivation of pleasure for its own sake;
  • the exploration of sexual imagination and fantasies.

Continue reading Curating Your Erotic Diet

A Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher Walk into a Bar…

I recently had the pleasure of meeting up with a Melbourne-based Sex-Design Researcher by the name of Victoria Cullen. Victoria is a Workshop Facilitator and Sex Educator at Passionfruit: The Sensuality Shop. She also lectures for RMIT University in the Future Sex Studio where she teaches students about consumer-centered design for sex products, aids and services. And, she has recently started a great sexuality blog called The Lubrarian.

So, when a Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher walk into a bar, what do they talk about? Here’s a little summary of our interesting chats. Continue reading A Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher Walk into a Bar…

Novelty Nervousness and the 5-Minute Rule

In recent posts I’ve been discussing the idea of sexual novelty and variety. Go here for an overview, or go here to read about The Healthy Sex Pyramid.

But even when we believe a bit of variety might be nice, the idea of introducing something new to our sexual repertoire can be very daunting.

Perhaps you’d like to try some dirty talk or sexual narration. Or maybe a new sexual position or location. Maybe role-play is on your to-try list, or perhaps you’d like to experiment with being more sexually assertive or sexually submissive in bed.

Whatever it is that you or a partner are suggesting, here is a little tip for easing the anxiety. Continue reading Novelty Nervousness and the 5-Minute Rule

The Healthy Sex Pyramid

Why is variety good for us?

I recently wrote a blog series about the importance of variety and novelty in relationships and in the bedroom.

When somebody’s sex life falls a bit flat, the popular wisdom is that you just need to “spice things up”.

But familiarity isn’t the enemy – sexual comfort and routine allows a couple to gain valuable knowledge and techniques for turning each other on, often lets them relax more during sex and experience less performance anxiety, and usually provides a sense of emotional safety in the bedroom.

But it is true that familiarity and sexual routine can become too dominant in a relationship, leading to less sexual passion, sexual boredom, and low prioritising of sex.

Continue reading The Healthy Sex Pyramid

Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: In the Bedroom (Part 2)

In Part 1 of this series I discussed the topic of Hedonic Adaptation from a general relationship perspective. Part 2 of this series will focus on the application of these ideas to the sexual domain.

To recap, Hedonic Adaptation in relationships is where, after a surge in happiness and passion at the beginning of a new relationship, people generally adapt to this scenario over time -the passion then reduces and happiness comes back down to the person’s previous baseline. Continue reading Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: In the Bedroom (Part 2)

Realistic Expectations and Real Life Sex

Whilst a lot of what I write about here is aimed at enhancing people’s sex lives, it is also important to remember that having a good sex life does not have anything to do with getting it perfect.

Unfortunately, in our media saturated world, many people end up comparing their sex lives to the sexual pleasures and delights of Hollywood and/or pornography. Continue reading Realistic Expectations and Real Life Sex

Why am I experiencing sexual difficulties?

Many women experience low sexual satisfaction and other sexual concerns for many different reasons, and there are usually multiple factors involved for each women or couple.

On the flip side, a very promising flipside, there are also factors known to increase a women’s likelihood of experiencing sexual fulfilment and pleasure.

We can think of the factors involved as The Four P’s: Predisposing, Precipitating, Perpetuating and Protective factors. Continue reading Why am I experiencing sexual difficulties?

Sensuality is Not a Cat-Food Commercial

Consider the word “Sensuality”.

Take a moment to reflect on what images and feelings come to mind when you think of the phrase “Sensual women”.

Sensuality has various meanings depending on who you talk to. And due to media portrayal, many people have a skewed picture of female sensuality. The media seems to tell us that in order to be a sensual woman we must be: Continue reading Sensuality is Not a Cat-Food Commercial