Tag Archives: sex-positive

Quickie Blog: Creative Ways to Give Them Pleasure

It’s common for sex to become overly goal oriented in both casual and  long-term relationships. Often the goal is about achieving orgasm – either your own orgasm or your lover’s orgasm – and perhaps both.

(At certain times in some long-term relationships, the goal may be more procreative – to make a baby. And you can read more about this here and here).

And while it isn’t rare to have goal-oriented sex – and it’s encouraged by books, movies, porn and peers – this kind of narrow sexual goal can get a bit rigid and uncreative, leading to mechanical or less enjoyable sex in the long run. Continue reading Quickie Blog: Creative Ways to Give Them Pleasure

Curating Your Erotic Diet

Eroticism can be defined in many ways. Here are a few definitions that I like:

  • a quality (in a person, artwork, fantasy, etc.) that causes sexual feelings;
  • a philosophical contemplation concerning the aesthetics of sexual desire, sensuality and romantic love;
  • a state of sexual arousal or anticipation – an insistent sexual impulse, desire, or pattern of thoughts;
  • the cultivation of pleasure for its own sake;
  • the exploration of sexual imagination and fantasies.

Continue reading Curating Your Erotic Diet

A Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher Walk into a Bar…

I recently had the pleasure of meeting up with a Melbourne-based Sex-Design Researcher by the name of Victoria Cullen. Victoria is a Workshop Facilitator and Sex Educator at Passionfruit: The Sensuality Shop. She also lectures for RMIT University in the Future Sex Studio where she teaches students about consumer-centered design for sex products, aids and services. And, she has recently started a great sexuality blog called The Lubrarian.

So, when a Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher walk into a bar, what do they talk about? Here’s a little summary of our interesting chats. Continue reading A Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher Walk into a Bar…

What Do You Bring to Bed?

When we step into a sexual scenario – whether it be with a long-term lover, a new romantic interest, or a casual rendezvous – we bring so much more than just our physical bodies and sexual skills.

We also bring our sexual anticipations and expectations, our fantasies, our fears and hang-ups, our mental health, our rules and restrictions, and our past experiences. We bring our whole self and our whole sexual belief system.

What do you bring to bed? Continue reading What Do You Bring to Bed?

Realistic Expectations and Real Life Sex

Whilst a lot of what I write about here is aimed at enhancing people’s sex lives, it is also important to remember that having a good sex life does not have anything to do with getting it perfect.

Unfortunately, in our media saturated world, many people end up comparing their sex lives to the sexual pleasures and delights of Hollywood and/or pornography. Continue reading Realistic Expectations and Real Life Sex

What is Low Sexual Desire? Part 2.

Part 1 of this blog series described three common kinds of “low sexual desire” concerns.

Whilst different kinds of sexual desire concerns need to be approached in different ways, there are several ideas that can be helpful in all scenarios. And this is what I will cover here in Part 2.

The four key ideas covered here are: Understanding spontaneous and receptive sexual desire, knowing the value of sex in your life,  using communication to negotiate a satisfying sex life, and exploring the conditions for good sex. Continue reading What is Low Sexual Desire? Part 2.

The Glass Half-Full Version of Sex

According to Wikipedia, sex-positivity is “an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation”.

Whilst there are many factors that can dampen your sex life, it’s also important to remind ourselves that the glass can be half-full too.

Continue reading The Glass Half-Full Version of Sex

Fifty Shades of Australian Vanilla

Over the past 3 years, I’ve often been asked “What do you think of Fifty Shades of Grey?”

For a while there I was tempted to read it, even just to have a descent response to that question. But then I kept hearing about how poor it was as a piece of literature and decided to give it a miss.

Although I have not read the book, nor seen the movie, I’m choosing to comment anyway. Continue reading Fifty Shades of Australian Vanilla

Sensuality is Not a Cat-Food Commercial

Consider the word “Sensuality”.

Take a moment to reflect on what images and feelings come to mind when you think of the phrase “Sensual”.

Sensuality has various meanings depending on who you talk to. And due to media portrayal, many people have a skewed picture of sensuality. The media seems to tell us that in order to be a sensual we must be: Continue reading Sensuality is Not a Cat-Food Commercial

Mindful Sex: Tuning In, Turning On

While completing my studies in clinical psychology, I spent three years researching mindfulness and how it relates to sexual pleasure and intimacy.

Mindfulness is the practice of present moment awareness, the skill of consciously bringing our attention to the here and now.  It is a form of meditation with origins in many religions and contemplative cultures, although it can also be practiced (and often is in Western culture) with no religious or spiritual underpinnings.

Some other ways to describe mindfulness practice include:

  • Tuning into the senses
  • Being centred or grounded
  • Making space for current experiences
  • Being attentive and curious

Continue reading Mindful Sex: Tuning In, Turning On