Tag Archives: prevention

Condom Prime-Time for Penis Lovers

A lot of people who own a penis or have sex with penis-owners find it difficult to request condom use (when safer-sex is relevant). And I’ve written about some of the reasons why here.

Alternatively, they might find it hard to follow through on their preference for condom use in the face of resistance from a partner, or in the face of lust (ie. sexual disinhibition once aroused).

And this was the topic of a discussion between myself & Victoria Cullen recently. I’ve written about Victoria before here – she is a Sex Educator and Researcher, and has a great sexuality blog called The Lubrarian. Continue reading Condom Prime-Time for Penis Lovers

Quickie Blog: Creative Ways to Give Them Pleasure

It’s common for sex to become overly goal oriented in both casual and  long-term relationships. Often the goal is about achieving orgasm – either your own orgasm or your lover’s orgasm – and perhaps both.

(At certain times in a long-term relationship, the goal may be more procreative – to make a baby. And you can read more about this here and here).

And while it isn’t rare to have goal-oriented sex – and it’s encouraged by books, movies, porn and peers – this kind of narrow sexual goal can get a bit rigid and uncreative, leading to mechanical or less enjoyable sex in the long run. Continue reading Quickie Blog: Creative Ways to Give Them Pleasure

Painful Sex: Empowered Help Seeking

Painful sex is incredibly distressing & confusing for the women who experience it, and their partners.

Sexual pain can be caused by a variety of medical factors, and it manifests in a variety of ways – such as chronic discomfort during sex, pain upon genital touching and/or vaginal penetration, or an inability to have vaginal penetration due to intense pain. Some women who experience sexual pain may also experience pain using tampons, and/or discomfort sitting or wearing tight pants. Continue reading Painful Sex: Empowered Help Seeking

Let’s Talk About Talking About Sex, Baby

In many relationships, talking about sex is difficult. And it can be especially difficult if your sex life isn’t going so smoothly.

For some couples, or perhaps in more casual sexual relationships too, the idea of going from no meaningful conversations about sex to full-on sex discussions about erections, position preferences, sexual desire discrepancies and secret fantasies may feel like a very daunting leap.

And sometimes it’s best to start small. Continue reading Let’s Talk About Talking About Sex, Baby

Curating Your Erotic Diet

Eroticism can be defined in many ways. Here are a few definitions that I like:

  • a quality (in a person, artwork, fantasy, etc.) that causes sexual feelings;
  • a philosophical contemplation concerning the aesthetics of sexual desire, sensuality and romantic love;
  • a state of sexual arousal or anticipation – an insistent sexual impulse, desire, or pattern of thoughts;
  • the cultivation of pleasure for its own sake;
  • the exploration of sexual imagination and fantasies.

Continue reading Curating Your Erotic Diet

A Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher Walk into a Bar…

I recently had the pleasure of meeting up with a Melbourne-based Sex-Design Researcher by the name of Victoria Cullen. Victoria is a Workshop Facilitator and Sex Educator at Passionfruit: The Sensuality Shop. She also lectures for RMIT University in the Future Sex Studio where she teaches students about consumer-centered design for sex products, aids and services. And, she has recently started a great sexuality blog called The Lubrarian.

So, when a Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher walk into a bar, what do they talk about? Here’s a little summary of our interesting chats. Continue reading A Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher Walk into a Bar…

The Healthy Sex Pyramid

Why is variety good for us?

I recently wrote a blog series about the importance of variety and novelty in relationships and in the bedroom.

When somebody’s sex life falls a bit flat, the popular wisdom is that you just need to “spice things up”.

But familiarity isn’t the enemy – sexual comfort and routine allows a couple to gain valuable knowledge and techniques for turning each other on, often lets them relax more during sex and experience less performance anxiety, and usually provides a sense of emotional safety in the bedroom.

But it is true that familiarity and sexual routine can become too dominant in a relationship, leading to less sexual passion, sexual boredom, and low prioritising of sex.

Continue reading The Healthy Sex Pyramid

Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: In the Bedroom (Part 2)

In Part 1 of this series I discussed the topic of Hedonic Adaptation from a general relationship perspective. Part 2 of this series will focus on the application of these ideas to the sexual domain.

To recap, Hedonic Adaptation in relationships is where, after a surge in happiness and passion at the beginning of a new relationship, people generally adapt to this scenario over time -the passion then reduces and happiness comes back down to the person’s previous baseline. Continue reading Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: In the Bedroom (Part 2)

Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: The Back Story (Part 1)

One of the advantages of a long-term relationship is the familiarity and comfort that develops as a couple – staying in for a cosy movie on a Friday night, building routines together, going to that favourite restaurant, feeling known and understood.

But if there is too much familiarity and routine in your relationship, this can lead to a significant drop in passion over time.

These observations are related to a theory called Hedonic Adaptation. Continue reading Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: The Back Story (Part 1)

What is Low Sexual Desire? Part 1.

One of the most common and distressing sexual difficulties that couples present with when they see a sex therapist is that one partner in the couple has “low desire” or “no desire”.

This can translate into a variety of bedroom scenarios:

  • One partner feeling unhappy that sex and intimacy is not occurring at the frequency they wish.
  • The other partner feeling unhappy that sexual initiation is occurring far too often.
  • Both partners feeling sexually depressed – this is not how they envisaged their sex life to be.
  • One partner feeling inferior, guilty, pressured and hopeless.
  • The other partner feeling out of control, rejected and also hopeless.

Continue reading What is Low Sexual Desire? Part 1.