Tag Archives: mindfulness

Painful Gyne Exams: First Steps to Good Care

Undergoing gynaecological exams (such as cervical screening or fertility related procedures) is commonly somewhat uncomfortable.

It’s normal to feel some awkwardness or nervousness before and/or during these intimate exams. Fair enough – these are necessary but invasive procedures. And sometimes with a complete stranger.

It is also common to feel some physical discomfort – the equipment may be cold and hard, you may be feeling tense and find it hard to relax your pelvic muscles, a swab may poke in a sensitive spot.

For some people though, gynaecological procedures are very uncomfortable, painful and distressing. Pelvic pain can impact in a variety of ways and may be caused by a variety of factors. These include: Continue reading Painful Gyne Exams: First Steps to Good Care

Quickie Blog: Creative Ways to Give Them Pleasure

It’s common for sex to become overly goal oriented in both casual and  long-term relationships. Often the goal is about achieving orgasm – either your own orgasm or your lover’s orgasm – and perhaps both.

(At certain times in some long-term relationships, the goal may be more procreative – to make a baby. And you can read more about this here and here).

And while it isn’t rare to have goal-oriented sex – and it’s encouraged by books, movies, porn and peers – this kind of narrow sexual goal can get a bit rigid and uncreative, leading to mechanical or less enjoyable sex in the long run. Continue reading Quickie Blog: Creative Ways to Give Them Pleasure

Curating Your Erotic Diet

Eroticism can be defined in many ways. Here are a few definitions that I like:

  • a quality (in a person, artwork, fantasy, etc.) that causes sexual feelings;
  • a philosophical contemplation concerning the aesthetics of sexual desire, sensuality and romantic love;
  • a state of sexual arousal or anticipation – an insistent sexual impulse, desire, or pattern of thoughts;
  • the cultivation of pleasure for its own sake;
  • the exploration of sexual imagination and fantasies.

Continue reading Curating Your Erotic Diet

Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: The Back Story (Part 1)

One of the advantages of a long-term relationship is the familiarity and comfort that develops as a couple – staying in for a cosy movie on a Friday night, building routines together, going to that favourite restaurant, feeling known and understood.

But if there is too much familiarity and routine in your relationship, this can lead to a significant drop in passion over time.

These observations are related to a theory called Hedonic Adaptation. Continue reading Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: The Back Story (Part 1)

Checking Tweets During Sex…Oh Dear…

I was listening to Sunday Night Safran this morning and during one of the segment breaks, John Safran and Father Bob McGuire were discussing the use of phones during sex. Except Father Bob didn’t want to say “sex” on national radio, so they described it as “checking tweets” during a “near death experience” – very cute Father Bob.

This isn’t the first time I had heard about this, but I thought it was time to look into these reports in a bit more depth. Continue reading Checking Tweets During Sex…Oh Dear…

Sensuality is Not a Cat-Food Commercial

Consider the word “Sensuality”.

Take a moment to reflect on what images and feelings come to mind when you think of the phrase “Sensual”.

Sensuality has various meanings depending on who you talk to. And due to media portrayal, many people have a skewed picture of sensuality. The media seems to tell us that in order to be a sensual we must be: Continue reading Sensuality is Not a Cat-Food Commercial

Creating Mindful Moments

For a general introduction to mindfulness and how it relates to sexuality see Mindful Sex: Tuning In, Turning On

One common misperception of mindfulness or meditation is that the goal is to “clear your mind”. Therefore, many people tell me “I’ve tried meditation before, and it didn’t work for me. My mind just races too much.”

Well, their mind is doing exactly what is was designed to do – to think, to ruminate, to worry, to analyse – because all of these mind activities have survival benefits to humans.

When humans emerged tens of thousands of years ago, the landscape was very different to how we live now. Continue reading Creating Mindful Moments

Mindful Sex: Tuning In, Turning On

While completing my studies in clinical psychology, I spent three years researching mindfulness and how it relates to sexual pleasure and intimacy.

Mindfulness is the practice of present moment awareness, the skill of consciously bringing our attention to the here and now.  It is a form of meditation with origins in many religions and contemplative cultures, although it can also be practiced (and often is in Western culture) with no religious or spiritual underpinnings.

Some other ways to describe mindfulness practice include:

  • Tuning into the senses
  • Being centred or grounded
  • Making space for current experiences
  • Being attentive and curious

Continue reading Mindful Sex: Tuning In, Turning On

My Sex-Positive Compass

Sex therapy has been around a long time in many different shapes and forms, and each therapist has their own style and focus that works for them and their clients. As I was having some reflection time this week, I began to think about what concepts and ideas I find most helpful as a compass in my work.

Whilst I belief many different theories and strategies are helpful, these five main ideas are what guide my practice: Continue reading My Sex-Positive Compass