Tag Archives: low desire

Interview: Three in the Bed & the Mother Said… (short version)

I recently had the honour of interviewing Tanaya, a 32 year old mother, about her experiences of early motherhood and sexuality. Her partner is Jon, 34 years old, and their son Sean is currently 10 months old.

This is an abbreviated version of the interview. To read the full interview – go here.


ALICE: To start, maybe you can give a bit of an overview of how things have changed in your sex life, or your thoughts and feelings around sex, before pregnancy, during pregnancy and now that you’re breastfeeding. Continue reading Interview: Three in the Bed & the Mother Said… (short version)

Reproduction Can be Very Unsexy

Part of my work has involved counselling with couples who are undergoing assisted reproduction such as IVF, donor sperm insemination, and donor egg and embryo use.

From this work I have noticed some key things about sex and reproduction:

  1. Sex can be unproductive;
  2. Reproduction can be unsexy; and
  3. Reproductive treatment can be downright sexually demoralizing.

Continue reading Reproduction Can be Very Unsexy

Sexual Intimacy and the 4:2:1 Ratio

At the budding stages of a new relationship, there is often lots of hand-holding, kissing, cuddling and spooning, as well as sexual intimacy.

But as a relationship goes on, the balance of different kinds of intimacy can get out of order. This seems to be especially so for couples struggling with sexual difficulties, such as a desire discrepancy or performance anxiety. Continue reading Sexual Intimacy and the 4:2:1 Ratio

What is Low Sexual Desire? Part 2.

Part 1 of this blog series described three common kinds of “low sexual desire” concerns.

Whilst different kinds of sexual desire concerns need to be approached in different ways, there are several ideas that can be helpful in all scenarios. And this is what I will cover here in Part 2.

The four key ideas covered here are: Understanding spontaneous and receptive sexual desire, knowing the value of sex in your life,  using communication to negotiate a satisfying sex life, and exploring the conditions for good sex. Continue reading What is Low Sexual Desire? Part 2.

What is Low Sexual Desire? Part 1.

One of the most common and distressing sexual difficulties that couples present with when they see a sex therapist is that one partner in the couple has “low desire” or “no desire”.

This can translate into a variety of bedroom scenarios:

  • One partner feeling unhappy that sex and intimacy is not occurring at the frequency they wish.
  • The other partner feeling unhappy that sexual initiation is occurring far too often.
  • Both partners feeling sexually depressed – this is not how they envisaged their sex life to be.
  • One partner feeling inferior, guilty, pressured and hopeless.
  • The other partner feeling out of control, rejected and also hopeless.

Continue reading What is Low Sexual Desire? Part 1.