Category Archives: Uncategorized

Quickie Blog: Creative Ways to Give Them Pleasure

It’s common for sex to become overly goal oriented in both casual and  long-term relationships. Often the goal is about achieving orgasm – either your own orgasm or your lover’s orgasm – and perhaps both.

(At certain times in some long-term relationships, the goal may be more procreative – to make a baby. And you can read more about this here and here).

And while it isn’t rare to have goal-oriented sex – and it’s encouraged by books, movies, porn and peers – this kind of narrow sexual goal can get a bit rigid and uncreative, leading to mechanical or less enjoyable sex in the long run. Continue reading Quickie Blog: Creative Ways to Give Them Pleasure

Interview: Three in the Bed & the Mother Said… (full interview)

I recently had the honour of interviewing Tanaya, a 32 year old mother, about her experiences of early motherhood and sexuality. Her partner is Jon, 34 years old, and their son Sean is currently 10 months old.

This is the full interview. To read an abbreviated version of the interview – go here.


ALICE: To start, maybe you can give a bit of an overview of how things have changed in your sex life, or your thoughts and feelings around sex, before pregnancy, during pregnancy and now that you’re in the phase of breastfeeding. Continue reading Interview: Three in the Bed & the Mother Said… (full interview)

A Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher Walk into a Bar…

I recently had the pleasure of meeting up with a Melbourne-based Sex-Design Researcher by the name of Victoria Cullen. Victoria is a Workshop Facilitator and Sex Educator at Passionfruit: The Sensuality Shop. She also lectures for RMIT University in the Future Sex Studio where she teaches students about consumer-centered design for sex products, aids and services. And, she has recently started a great sexuality blog called The Lubrarian.

So, when a Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher walk into a bar, what do they talk about? Here’s a little summary of our interesting chats. Continue reading A Psychologist and a Sex-Design Researcher Walk into a Bar…

Quickie Blog: Novelty Nervousness and the 5-Minute Rule

In recent posts I’ve been discussing the idea of sexual novelty and variety. Go here for an overview, or go here to read about The Healthy Sex Pyramid.

But even when we believe a bit of variety might be nice, the idea of introducing something new to our sexual repertoire can be very daunting.

Perhaps you’d like to try some dirty talk or sexual narration. Or maybe a new sexual position or location. Maybe role-play is on your to-try list, or perhaps you’d like to experiment with being more sexually assertive or sexually submissive in bed.

Whatever it is that you or a partner are suggesting, here is a little tip for easing the anxiety. Continue reading Quickie Blog: Novelty Nervousness and the 5-Minute Rule

Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: In the Bedroom (Part 2)

In Part 1 of this series I discussed the topic of Hedonic Adaptation from a general relationship perspective. Part 2 of this series will focus on the application of these ideas to the sexual domain.

To recap, Hedonic Adaptation in relationships is where, after a surge in happiness and passion at the beginning of a new relationship, people generally adapt to this scenario over time -the passion then reduces and happiness comes back down to the person’s previous baseline. Continue reading Passion, Novelty and Hedonic Adaptation: In the Bedroom (Part 2)

Conditions for Good Sex

Satisfying sex is not a given in all relationships, and there are certain factors that can predict a more positive and sustainable sex life.

If enough of the conditions for enjoyable sex are met and prioritised, it is much easier to manage desire discrepancies, to add novelty into your sex life, and to remain open and receptive to sexual experiences over a long-term relationship.

These factors can be grouped into 3 main categories: Healthy Body & Mind; Healthy Relationship; and Sexy Sex. Realistic Expectations are also needed. Continue reading Conditions for Good Sex

Erotophobia – Fear of Sex Education

I have noticed an interesting phenomenon in my counselling work with IVF clients.

For all the IVF clients I work with who are using a donor – be it for donor sperm, donor egg or donor embyro – we have to talk about disclosure. In other words, how are you going to tell your donor-conceived child that they were donor conceived.

Most people say “Well…when the time is right, I guess we’ll just…tell them.” This is a fair call seeing as this is not a widely discussed topic, but then its my turn to offer some other suggestions. Continue reading Erotophobia – Fear of Sex Education

My Sex-Positive Compass

Sex therapy has been around a long time in many different shapes and forms, and each therapist has their own style and focus that works for them and their clients. As I was having some reflection time this week, I began to think about what concepts and ideas I find most helpful as a compass in my work.

Whilst I belief many different theories and strategies are helpful, these five main ideas are what guide my practice: Continue reading My Sex-Positive Compass